Eating Humble Pie

Given the seriousness of my recent posts, I think it's time to lighten things up a notch and tell a few tales on myself. Here are a couple farming stories gone awry to wet your appetite. There are PLENTY more where this came from.

1. Frost Seeding Clover into winter wheat- Every year on a cold morning at some point late in the winter, after the snow pack had pretty well gone but before the ground had done much thawing, all my neighbours and I would begin broadcasting clover seed into our winter wheat. Seemingly without fail, and apparantly without even really trying, my neighbours would unfailingly gain an excellent stand of clover which reduced their fertilizer bills and helped build their soils. Goody for them. Every year, no matter what I did....and I tried EVERYTHING to make it otherwise....I got exactly nothing except red ears and a wet behind for my efforts ! After awhile, it became a running joke in the farming community and something I ate A LOT of crow over...there's Jason out broadcasting clover seed....again....d'ya think it'll grow for him this year....nope....never has done before....he sure works hard at it though.....ayup....let's drive by and give him the thumbs up again (evil grin).

2. Prior to my first "hot" date with Melissa, she asked me if I could drag her ring for her as her dad, who would normally handle the job, was out of town. I'd gone all out for the occasion....starched the shirt and pressed my jeans, but ever the man to impress, I said sure thing ! Melissa, similarly primped, jumped up and sat on the fence, fully prepared to be impressed with her new man's mechanical aptitude and farming ability. After starting one of her father's new tractors, I backed it up to where the whippletree and chain harrows were parked. I dismounted the tractor, parking brake set, noting that I had parked it on the cusp of a long, steep hill. As is often the case with this sort of equipment, the chain, clevis and pin were buried deep in tall grass just behind the tractor, so I had to monkey around for a few seconds hunting the connection with my back turned to the machine. Finally, I found the damn thing and when I straightened up, I gave Melissa my best winning smile. About this time, I heard a distinct click, and I finished turned around, smile still plastered on my face, just in time to witness the tractor's brakes fail completely. I remember the smile fading as I screamed "Holy [word that rhymes with truck]!" I briefly stood watching the scene unfold in slack jawed, horrified amazement, whippletree connection still in hand. My hot date's father's new tractor was literally rocketing away from me....picking up an incredible amount of speed as it pointed itself at the row of hickory trees in the fencerow at the bottom of the hill. At some point, I must have felt action was called for, because next thing I knew I was running full tilt after the tractor, cussing a blue streak the entire trip. It was going way faster than I could....WAY faster... and in spite of my adrenaline laced best efforts I never had any hope of catching it. Somehow....I don't know HOW...except to say there is a God and He was sure enough looking after me that night.... the tractor managed to hit the only gap in the fencerow and it came to a stop in the next field all on it's own, none the worse for wear, thank you Jesus. After I caught my breath and shoved my pounding heart back down my throat, I turned around again, just in time to watch my heavily primped date rolling around in the dirt and pounding her fist into the ground, belly laughing so hard she was crying.